Nikki Glaser:
Bruce.
Bruce Willis:
Yes.
Nikki Glaser:
This is, uh, honestly, a real, uh... a big personal moment for me to be here roasting my dead cousin's second-favorite action star. I know you, obviously, as the star of every DVD you kinda just find on the street.
[laughter]

Nikki Glaser:
Obviously, you had an amazing action film career until Jason Statham started balding.
[laughter]

Nikki Glaser:
I'm just not familiar with action movies. I don't know; I've never seen a single one of your films consenually.
[laughter]

Nikki Glaser:
Like, it's always what some guy puts on while he's trying to finger me on his roommate's couch. Do you know what I'm saying?
[laughter]

Nikki Glaser:
Maybe I didn't understand "The Fifth Element" and it wasn't because I'm a dumb girl, but because it's hard to follow that plot when you're fighting off a roofie and there's a knuckle inside you. You know?
[laughter]

Nikki Glaser:
Just me? Oh, I loved "The Sixth Sense", though. I loved... and the ending, when the guy came in my eye and I didn't have to watch the rest of it? That was great.

Film

Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis (2018)

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