Jeff Dunham:
As I grew up, I learned to appreciate all those monster things, and then when I had children, I taught my children that scaring and being scared was a great thing. My youngest daughter, Kenna, when she was a little kid, she was a master at scaring people. And when you're scared, there's one of two things that happens to you. You have one of two emotions usually, and it's either fight or flight. And you don't know which one you're gonna do until you're actually really, really scared, and I've never actually been really, really scared until my daughter started scaring me! This little twerp can jump out of nowhere in the middle of the darkness and...
[mimics child making a startling sound]

Jeff Dunham:
... and I was like, "WAH!" And I wasn't a flight; I didn't scream like a girl and run away. I started punching! The worst was when I was upstairs in the master bathroom, I was cleaning a toilet, I had the plunger, I was plunging the toilet, I got finished, I was walking down the hall, middle of the night like this.
[walks across the stage]

Jeff Dunham:
She jumped out of nowhere. My first reaction was, like, "Whoa-oh-oh!"
[pretends to swing a stick]

Jeff Dunham:
And she's like, "Yay! Dad almost killed me with a plunger! Whoo!" She's laughing. That little kid would hide underneath my desk in my office. I had a desk that was fully enclosed. When you'd sit underneath it, it was a little cave under there. She learned to hide under there, and she would sit there patiently. That's what's so evil about it. She would wait for ten minutes and then reach out and grab my legs. I'd be like...
[grunts]

Jeff Dunham:
She eventually learned to take a pillow with her. You'd be like, "Aah!"
[makes kicking motion]

Jeff Dunham:
What the...? Oh.

Film

Jeff Dunham: Minding the Monsters (2012)

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